January 2011
7 posts
December 2010
3 posts
Love and Happiness →
November 2010
12 posts
The Dot and the Line: A Romance in Lower... →
August 2010
1 post
July 2010
3 posts
“Given the unlikelihood of accidentally rolling up one’s pants, Mr. Moore offered...”
– NY Times
“How has the Month of Hotness affected your home life? Whole rooms off limits?...”
– NY Times, getting the real news
Anosognosia →
June 2010
2 posts
May 2010
9 posts
6 train
A shiny-faced Asian woman stares bemusedly at passerby. She is wearing a silk green scarf around her hair, tied snuggly beneath her chin. I stand between the stairs separating the local to the express, and watch in disgust as she spits multiple times into a tissue in her hand. Long strands of spit dribble out of her mouth. She crumples the tissue and continues to hold it, smiling slightly at...
E-mail Scam of the Day
I’m writing this with tears in my eyes,sorry I did not inform you about my trip.I actually made a quick travel toLondonand unfortunately attacked and mugged at gun point on the way to my hotel,all cash,credit card and cell were stolen off me but luckily I still have my passport with me. I`ve been to the embassy and the Police here but they’re not helping issues at all and my return...
Line of Sight
Squished into the subway most mornings makes it nigh on impossible not to see the screen of someone’s electronic handheld device. People play games, listen to music, make calls, text, check facebook, etc. until the train goes underground. Today the woman sharing the pole with me and two men held her phone out in front of her and pondered the text, “are ure kisses sweet or...
Baby Soup
Many children cannot pronounce words correctly when they are young. One of mine was ‘bathing suit.’ I mention this because the only weather appropriate attire I can think of for right now (hot, humid, torrential downpours) would be my toddler-aged preferred choice - galoshes, ‘baby soup’, umbrella. Maybe a rain coat. Unfortunately, this is not work appropriate.
April 2010
13 posts
Play it cool
Shout, “Oh my god” Point him out to entire party Take a blurry picture, as if you’re taking it of something else Stare intermittently Discuss his show, loudly Compare other celebrity sightings with your group Wait until his party is seated, rush over Say, “I just want you to know that I love your show, your work.” Agree that his caliber of star appreciates this kind...
Beeyotch
A while back I was crossing the street with my dog. I looked both ways, and passed before an idling minivan. As I stepped onto the curb, the driver yelled out the window, “Next time I’ll run you over. JACKASS.” He sped away. I could not stop smiling the whole rest of the way home, all of 20 paces and 3 sets of stairs. Jackassssss. But if he’d called me a bitch? A whore? I...
failure →
Bucket List
To do lists are my favorite. I love making them, I love checking things off of them. I write things out in my daily planner (the iPhone calendar doesn’t suffice) like laundry with a little box next to it and feel gloriously when I check it off. BUT, a to-do list for life? Seems a bit much. These days, though, it seems prudent to make plans. And because people actually do things if they write...
Who wants to walk 32 miles this weekend? →
TSA
A woman blows past the first security checkpoint that lets you into the line, holding her passport and boarding pass at her side. The TSA employee looks back, “Ma’am, come back.” The woman stops, turns, stares blankly. “Come here,” the TSA employee gestures. The woman holds out her documents, staring back steadily. “Come. Back. Here.” The woman continues...
Acedia, Anomie and Allergies
Abrupt changes in the weather have resulted in more people in the streets wearing less clothes and flowers on the trees that smell gross and trouble sleeping and office wars over the AC. The dog has decided to pee on everything - the bed, the floor, the guests. Contemplating solutions.
Williamsburg: Williamsburg, Kings County Last in... →
Via press release today, The Mayor’s office announced the percentage of census forms that have been returned by both neighborhood and county. To nobody’s particular surprise, both Williamsburg (31.3%) and Kings County (42%) are dead last in their respective categories. New York County came in…
“Dear staff,
I thought today was Friday, Im heading in now, should be in by...”
– the IT guy
