January 2009
25 posts
Thirsty?
My friend works as a freelance editor for the forthcoming dining and drinking guidebook called “Thirsty? Los Angeles The Lowdown on Where the Real People Drink!”, from Hungry City Guides.
She is currently looking for contributors to write reviews of their favorite local restaurants/pubs/bars/coffee shops/juice stands/etc. (especially those small, family-owned businesses that...
Finder's Fee
Last night I found a Coach wristlet on the ground between Starbucks and The Counter. I looked around, picked it up, and looked for ID. The woman lived in Sacramento and kept her Social on her person (fail!). I held on to it while I walked the dog around the park and wondered what the easiest solution was. Should I mail it to her? Take the cash and return everything else? Just kidding.
I took the...
Recipe for Wellness
After prescribing myself sick over the weekend (stay in close quarters, often with recirculated air, in the company of sick people) I have decided to focus on my health.
To Do:
Fill camelbak with chicken soup, beer helmet with liquids. Alternate between noodle and matzoh ball, ginger ale, tea, and gatorade for variety. Rinse, refill, repeat.
Make bricks out of various pills (multi-vitamins,...
BASH
Bird Aircraft Hazard Strike, or bird strike, is a collision between aircraft and bird where both parties tend to lose. They happen most often during take-off and landing, which in general is the most dangerous time to be airborne.
Going to be on a plane in 9 hours. Hope I don’t have a bash.
Vanity Fair
The other day I passed an “I Fartd” on a nice silver Mercedes. Well, then!
I thought it was bizarre just to even have one but realized there are several vanity plates in close proximity to me. Next door there is a combination of children’s names, “Riodax” (her name is Rio and she dances on the sand). Across the street there is a Mulva 1 (Delores) and a GSTBSTR. From...
So there could be an actual love vaccination... →
Inertia
Imagine a ferris wheel rotating quickly in one direction. Now try to make it switch directions instantaneously.
When I was six years old, I used to lay on my bed and try to make my mind see this change in direction without any delay or resistance in the wheel but it would always continue on, sometimes a full revolution, before I could make it go the other way.
Though I have decided on change, I...
We need to talk
Like babysitting can be good birth control, so can hanging out with a friend and her boyfriend be a vaccination against relationships for the season (replete with flu-like symptoms the next morning).
Ladies first. “So after we went to your soccer game he kept saying how hot she was. He said number 21 was fucking good, and 10 was just, like, fucking awesome, but that 12 was, like, HOT....
Feeling good, feeling great, how are you?
My head is a custard-filled doughnut. Fried face, sugar dusted scalp, thick gloppy custard piped in through my ears. Hopefully by lunch the feeling will be more jelly-filled and less opaque.
Going to Hell
The prayers from the prayer wall must be unfolded before they are sent to the organizing institution. I have been blessed with this task. It is hard to read them, and it is hard not to read them.
Children’s prayers read like wishes on a coin to be thrown in a well. “I want to marry (retracted) and have a good healthy life for my family and I. -(retracted)” “I want a...
This discussion brought me ineffable sadness
Ryan: What's another kind of force besides gravity?
Terry: Well... there's explosion.
Ryan: How is an explosion different from an action?
Terry: Well, let's say in football, a guy hits someone with force. Hit is the action, and force doesn't care. Force doesn't care if it hits the guy or the wall.
Ryan: Does matter have force?
Terry: Matter could be anything. Like, say, your forehead. But matter doesn't have force. Matter is innate.
Ryan: So what would you say a hypnotist does to someone? Is hypnotizing a force or an action?
Terry: Definitely an action.
Tastes like shit
Last night I had the pleasure of trying A.O.C. for my first time. It also afforded me the chance to say that I have tasted cheese that tastes exactly like horse shit smells.
One member of the party thought it tasted fine. It reminds me that there truly is no accounting for taste.
The urge to shoot one's own foot →
I'll have it to go
A few weeks ago I finally watched True Romance. I have lived a few blocks away from Rae’s diner since I was six but have never gone. One time I was driving down Pico and saw a man seated on a stretcher being loaded into an ambulance. He was holding his mug of coffee.
“The right store… Now more than ever!”
– the 99 cent store’s new slogan
Stark lack of nature
The other night, my roommate, her boyfriend, and I made our way to a bar, when something caught our attention and we all collectively said, “Oh.” A mouse had scurried on up ahead through several rectangular hedges. An animal that wasn’t a pigeon, seagull, squirrel, possum, cat, or dog! Fascinating!
“(The brain is a wary machine, always looking out for potential...